Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
