I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
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