i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
