i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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