So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
