is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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