I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Come share oat with me in your robe
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
