Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
