I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
