if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
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