i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
