He disabled his match.com account in front of me
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
