sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
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i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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