Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
