A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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