The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
birth control should be required to get into college
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
