Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
