i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
