If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
