apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
