one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
