This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
