bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
