We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
His hands were made for my vagina.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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