I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
