Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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