i think my tv is drunk
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
