Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
