1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize
