Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
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I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
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If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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