I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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