Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
