Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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