I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
