It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
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