I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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