I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
