tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
