i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Randomize
