the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
