you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
