Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
