So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
