We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
