Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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