you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
