When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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