we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
