yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize