I've blown a few things in my day
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
