You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
