i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
