dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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