Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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