Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
