false alarm. still invincible.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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