i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
