I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
