FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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