Sry I called you an 8
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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