Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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