help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
