How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
