she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Come on in and take your pants off
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
