I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I can't turn off my feet"
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
