i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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