Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
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